I deleted instagram and I feel more free

Kalina looking into the distance feeling freedom

Instagram… the original social media (at least for me). I downloaded instagram when I was about in middle school and I remember it being so fun and new. Remember that filter everyone would use? My friends and family posting photos for fun with silly captions about anything and everything. Back then instagram was fun and chill. No doomscrolling either. Fast forward to my high school years, where I started to care a little bit more about what I was posting. I had to make sure I looked good and my comments were always full of compliments from girls who went to my high school and whether they felt like they had to comment (just like I did on others posts), it felt good to get so many compliments. I felt cool and liked by my peers, that's what every high schooler wats right? To have friends, be cool etc. Only until I graduated and started to grow up that Instagram got even worse for me.

After high school I went to community college in my town and honestly didn’t make a whole lot of new friends. I started to make more friends when I get a new job and meet people through work. You meet someone new or make a new friend and follow each other on instagram to secure that ‘I now know this person’ whether you REALLY know them or not. Then you start to see more about everyone's lives and what they are posting, and thinking wow they are doing so much more than me. There was a shift for me when I turned about 20 after covid, I was still in my hometown but I had my own friends, new hobbies and I liked the jobs I had at the time. Everything was good. I started to post more fun and different videos than other people I know and that was a little different for a small town. While luckily I never fell into the trap of why haven’t I gone viral or why didn’t this get many likes, I truly enjoyed posting my videos for fun.

I was doing that for a few years but as those years went on I was checking often who liked my posts and stories, and I started to think more of how I was being perceived online. Am I the cool girl who gives off fun nonchalant vibes? People often would tell me that they loved my fun posts and stories. While I really appreciated those compliments it make me feel like I always had to be in that mode of chill cool girl who gives off the I don’t care I just YOLO. Which was mainly true but was it fully true when I started to care so much about every post and story I posted? My goal is to always feel authentic and I just started to feel like I always had to out perform myself, like people probably think my posts are too much or cringe. NEWS FLASH no one really cared what I was posting. Did some think it was fun and cool? Yeah but they'd see it and more on with their day like a normal person. I was starting to feel too performative.

Within the past year is when I really started to dislike instagram, I started to post less, I was doomscrolling way more, and when I would post it didn’t feel like me and I would still be looking for that dopamine hit when people liked my posts or viewed my stories. Another thing I really didn’t like is that it became full of ads, I would not even see stuff my friends posted anymore. I would go on unfollowing sprees to try to clear my feed and make it more positive and then I would debate for twenty minutes on unfollowing people from high school that I haven’t obviously seen since high school but I remember they were nice and they still followed me so then I’d feel bad unfollowing people. Then I realaized how am I letting an app take so much control or me and my thoughts an emotions all the time!? Every time I picked up my phone I’d go straight to instagram click through some stories, get bored, try to scroll through the feed, see ads, get bored and then go straight to instagram reels and then spend multiple hours doomscrolling. This has been my routine for I don’t know how long now.

My close friend would do breaks where she would delete instagram off her phone and only have it on her iPad where she can check in on it from time to time. I eventually tired that and then started doomscrolling on my iPad LOL. I felt lame for doing that. Then one day I finally committed. I deactivated my instagram. It took me an hour to decide to actually do it because I thought, what if I miss out on things? I like seeing updates from my favorite artists, I’m losing control over this thing. I started out by committing for two weeks. The first few days were a little odd just because I have had that app for over ten years and it felt like part of my identity was gone. I know it sounds dramatic but it was true I was so attached to my instagram it just felt weird. Then more days went by and I started to put other hobbies first again. Going to the gym more consistently, collaging, making fun little beats on garage band. Just fun little things like that.

Fast forward to a couple months later with no instagram and I do not miss it… like at all lol. All of my fears for deleting it were proven to be wrong. I have found so many more positive attributes to not having instagram. Learning who you true close friends are, people who reach out to you via text to catch up and make plans. I understand instagram can make that more convenient for people but for me it’s helped me reach out to close friends more and even remember birthdays better haha. I know it’s only been a couple months but for now I don’t have any interest of getting it back. Although I’m not perfect and still working on my problem with doomscrolling on TikTok and YouTube shorts, I’m starting with one thing at a time.

Overall life without instagram has been peaceful, not feeling the need to perform or to get stuck on the app for hours at a time. If you have been thinking deleting instagram or any social media I say just go for it! It doesn’t have to be forever you can take a step back just to see what is important to you and what makes you feel better. Obviously if you rely on social media for work it might be a different story but I do admire the people who have their firm boundaries with their social media. Anyway thanks for reading my story about instagram, what is your stand with the gram? Let me know if the comments!